I Am A Warrior's Widow

During my journaling this morning,  I wrote about the worship song repeating in my head – Worthy is Your Name, Jesus. I then journaled about a couple of surgical procedures I looked at before bed.  Remembering the night’s learning, my mind wandered and I kept journaling. I pondered in my writings how in Africa the women don’t put themselves through surgeries for looks or people pleasing.  The women of Africa from my memory of the pictures from the National Geographic magazines and documentaries seemed more at peace with themselves.  They appeared natural, self-assured, and unaltered for pretense. I don’t pretend to know about African women.   

I kept journaling about the idea of a woman married to an African Chief. I considered her and me.  After her Chief and husband dies, she is held in very high esteem.  She is held in such honor that every man, woman, boy and girl of the tribe would revere her as the widow of the Chief. 

My mind went to my late husband. My Chief.  I wrote William Dallas Helm on the page of my journal.  I said William was not a real Chief, but a great warrior. He was a fierce warrior for the Most High God. As I wrote those words, I then wrote I am a warrior’s widow. 

I said the statement out loud. I repeated, I am a warrior’s widow in such a way that I found comfort.  The printed page had given me a revelation that leaped from page to my being.  I hadn’t absorbed all of who I had become after his death. Part of me became a warrior in the aftermath.

A Warrior’s Widow sounded like an incredible book title.  I wasn’t going to wait 18 months to bring the richness of my revelation. I jumped up and said that’s this month’s blog.

God’s lesson for me and you was heard. I understood Him. I understood His servant William Helm even more. The revelation was two and a half years in the making.

For those who listen to my Milkshake Mondays podcast you hear sometime of my frustration of waiting. I feel like I have been encased in a diamond fortress with markings don’t approach, don’t touch, and off-limits.   

William’s  “do nots” before death were both about relationships. Until this morning, I truly did not fully comprehend the magnitude of why he said one of them. This morning’s revelation about being a warrior’s widow helped me understand.  I knew I was a Preacher’s wife. I knew I was Rev. Helm’s wife. I knew I was Anita Helm.  Like a Chief’s widow, only those with INSIGHT may approach.  The Warrior’s Widow's scales fell off. 

I am not just any woman, just any widow. What William admonished to me before his death, synchronized with me this morning. I get it. The Chief’s wife and the Warrior’s wife are set apart.

God Himself understands.  He understands all of us fully. Like all of His servants, He knows becoming one flesh with His workmanship is a monumental assignment. A big deal to God and to His eternal purpose. God’s Divine Plan is monumental.

A warrior in the service of the Almighty cannot just join themselves with anybody.  God and he or she require the selection of a co-laborer to be more than a support rod, but a refining one.  Both husband and wife sharpen one another.  I could never be the teacher I am now without the years of sharpening by William D. Helm.  He could never have been the preacher the teacher, father, brother, and friend he was without the refining of me. Iron sharpens iron.

The process for growth is spiritual sharpening by the Most High. The task of spiritual service can be daunting and lonely at times.  A spouse of those in positions of leadership has insight. Insight is broad and wieldy.  Understanding and experience is the foundation of insight.  Marriages to people in spiritual wisdom and leadership expose spouses to the things unknown, uncommon, and unfamiliar. Once experienced that education cannot be lost or unlearned.

My life with William has guided me. The unknown, uncommon, and unfamiliar things I witnessed were  remarkable. No two men are alike. I know that. Being a warrior’s widow the insights I have were forged in the fires of the Lord.

My decades walk, my journey cannot be ignored. I am not faint of heart. The Lord looks at my heart. He knows I am a warrior’s widow forged deeply and differently of a tested steel of His Spirit.

I now understand the wait. I understand God’s protection. Only God’s someone, only the someone who needs surrounding of a fellow warrior.

I thank the Lord openly for His wisdom and His care. His insight for the Kingdom’s sake is what strengthen me. I am smiling. I am exhaling. I am waiting.  I Am a Warrior’s Widow.


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