If everything in life was so easy to describe, we humans would need no new words for the dictionary. During the course of my grief journey, the path has not been a straight line of cocoon to metamorphosis. Don’t get me wrong, I do feel changed. I don’t feel like I’m hamstringed inside the cocoon of grief. At the same time I’m no caterpillar or butterfly. Is there a category for a lightening bug? Yeah, I’ll take Lightening Bug for 2,000 Alex.
It is no surprise to me, that I am the author who jumps the shark in my own writing. That’s me, Anita Helm – flying in my own stratosphere. Seriously, adjustment plain and simple in the Widow/Widower club is a constant evolution.
I readily admit to members- Griefs sucks! There’s no more honest and disarming revelation of kinship lurking around the corner. In our sanity, we all realize there is no one size fits all for grief, or it’s drive byes. Those drive byes are pissing awful! They do have their value. You may not appreciate the value until you are on the other side of the gnawing pain, but value will come. Leaning in on any emotion to try to find more of yourself and health is beneficial.
I sent one of my blogs to my former grief counselor and she said my writing seemed to show I was still struggling with grief. Captain Obvious, did you hear that? In reality, I feel pretty good for where I am emotionally. I opt to share these communications, not because I’m having some depressed epiphany, but because I want those who are in the trenches of the suffering to keep doing the work and move an inch forward. The inches add up, and over time you will find your voice, your spirit, your sprint, and your wings.
How did this message come to be? As an encourager, I found that I was initiating a personal letter to a new widow; but Anita, the little ‘lightening bug” had an aha moment. I realized that this message was for more than one person and I took a hard left to begin a message for a broader audience.
Some may read my writings as ramblings or throw away fodder. That sentiment is fine and good for them; but for the oft chance my words and the hearing of them, may soothe the pain of a broken hearted – I share my truth.
Little Lightening Bug Nita has found that for “me” - self-expression and sharing navigation markers for those needing help is the light. My words of hope, may be the breath to someone gasping. It may help someone struggling to cope and know they aren’t the only one. Going through the stages of grief is hard. Dear FAM hear me - don’t give up – there is more stratosphere for life’s possibilities.
Everything is possible, plausible, and cosmic. I’m a Christian believer so I’m not loosie goosy in what I’m describing as cosmic. GOD has a plan and I’m trying to gather my puzzle pieces to put my corners together and fill in the center.
If you have any inkling of awareness of me, please know me piecing anything together requires quieting the control freak characteristics and over-scheduling propensity of my right and left brain. For the purposes of this writing I’ve asked for both sides to STAND DOWN. I’ve been told by a great authority (my youngest version of myself) that I lack patience. So FAM, I’m working on it. In my defense, plenty of people hate commercials!!
Murphy’s Law would have it that this crazy writing, be the very one that garners writing accolades, and I’ll be forever saddled with referring to myself as a flying insect for the next few decades.
Here is the jist of what I wanted to share with the new widows and widowers.
- The loved one that knew Christ and was a true worshiper, disciple, sold out believer is most likely than NOT spending any time in heaven looking through peep holes checking on us or worrying about those of us left behind. They hope we’ll join the celebration at the appointed time, but there is way too much awesomeness that the dictionaries don’t have words for.
- Secondly, our loved ones aren’t just envisioning the heavenly atmosphere anymore, they are diving deep in extasy that our 10% brain usage can’t even imagine. The experiences and exploration of glorified bodies that have no limitations and free of sin is something our theater producing green screens can’t attain. Truly AWESOME.
- Thirdly, they would say don’t fantasize, waste time or the grey matter trying to envision the streets of gold, new heaven, 4 and 20 elders, 2 wings vs. 6 wings angels or mansions in heaven. Our brains collectively with all of the billions trying at once are out classed, outmatched and must cry uncle when it comes to GOD and how HE ROLLS. Creation is but a glimpse of how AWESOME HEAVEN and HE IS. Stare into as you await your time of flight.
So my fellow club members, there will come a time where you will be thankful, more than hurt over your loved one. There will come a time, where you will appreciate that we are here, and they are there. We have more “intervals of living” before the reunion. I purposely didn’t use the word “joining,” because it is important to dispel the fallacy, that half the world believes that when we go to heaven, we’ll be wearing matching Mr. and Mrs. Wings.
First, there is no discussion of us having wings and secondly, there is NO MARRIAGE in heaven. Your Mr. or Mrs. is not your anything, other than your spiritual family member in the body of Christ. Sorry if that blows, and you are stung. Better to hear it down here, than to be freaked out up there.
It’s still true that our loved one is no longer suffering, has no bad eye sight, has super mobility, and has an all-access pass to GOD. You know that all of us in the lesson of things in the 21st Century are mere infants and babes to the things of GOD. Life and Death reveals the jarring reality of how the landscape of life and death is ever before us.
So sisters and brothers of the club – don’t let death suffocate you. Move forward even if it’s a load of laundry or a sip of water. Play ball in the league of our life’s World Series. Adjust to being the underdog but know there’s a GRAND SLAM in you. GOD wants those of us left behind, to BE whole. He is the answer to that wholeness! You may ask – what does the wholeness universe look like for us? I’m not truly sure. For real, I’m working it out right there with you. The reality is none of us in this club, will ever be what we used to be. That doesn’t mean that we can’t love what we’ll become. Our loved ones want us to finish with the room full of possibilities for what’s ahead. Think about it – wouldn’t you want that if the roles were reversed?
Our Savior, Jesus Christ came down with the purpose of resolving our greatest fiasco called sin. Secondly He left us with the hope, that this place is not the end. Our loved one, along with the other millions that have transitioned know that hope. At your, and my appointed time, we’ll get our eternal escort and be ready for the voyage. For now, there is more of this life’s journey to collide with.
As for me I’m going to light up! FAM, I’m going to be the lightening bug spreading my wings and doing whatever that bug does to emit light as I fly through taking in the sites in this life You may not feel my vibe for the lightening bug, but keep living and finding your way through the stratosphere. Your loved one is hanging out in the Presence of Jesus, would want you to enjoy your life. There is no comparison to the joy they have in the company of the eternal MORNING STAR OF ALL LIGHTS - JESUS.
My parting chorus to you: Fly baby fly. See you in the Stratosphere. Peace and love, Anita.